We got a DM from Katie a few weeks back and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since.
She’s the maid of honour at her best friend’s wedding. Between two hen parties, the flights, new outfits, a gift from the registry, and even paying for her own hair and makeup on the day, she’s looking at a bill of around £1,000-£1,500. She said she’s happy to do it because she loves her friend.
But.
“As someone who is single and may never get married or have children”, she said, “it’s a bit bleak knowing that all of these things I do and spend on friends like baby showers, engagements and weddings etc. I honestly may never even have any of those and so there are zero opportunities for me to be celebrated.”
The single tax is real
You might not have heard the term before, but if you live alone, you’ve felt it. It’s the extra cost of housing, the lack of a second income to help with the bills, and the fact that you can’t split the Netflix subscription or the cost of a hotel room.
But there’s an emotional layer that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough – the constant spending on everyone else’s life stages and milestones.
Engagement gift, hen do, wedding, baby shower, christening, repeat. You’re always there, and always contributing, but if you don’t hit those same milestones yourself, the favour is rarely returned.
It’s also not a new problem. Our team recently talked about that Sex and the City clip where Carrie gets her shoes stolen at a baby shower. She’d spent a fortune on her friend’s milestones, and when she asks for them to pay for her stolen shoes, she gets a lecture about ‘real priorities’. Her solution was to register at Manolo Blahnik.
It was funny, but also pretty bleak when you think about it. Carrie was deemed to be selfish and silly to spend so much on shoes – shoes that her hostess made her take off at the door – without any thought for the thousands of dollars she’d spent on her friend’s milestones.
It’s not about resentment (but it is, a bit)
Katie was clear she doesn’t resent her friend. She said she has ‘the financial flexibility to say yes’ and that she genuinely wants to be there.
But she’s articulating a specific kind of grief for the milestones she might not have. It’s hard to admit that the emotional energy you pour into others might not be reciprocal, not because your friends are selfish, but because our culture doesn’t have a template for celebrating you.
So here’s the flip
If the world doesn’t hand you a milestone, make one. You should celebrate all the other stuff. I’m talking paying off debt, new job, promotion, new home, your 36th birthday, these are all reasons to have a party if you want it!
You don’t need a ring or a baby to justify a room full of people telling you you’re doing great. You deserve to be celebrated.
At Financielle, we always say personal finance is personal. So your budget should reflect your actual life, not some social script. That means you should budget for your own big moments just as carefully as you do for all these weddings and babies.
Start a sinking fund for yourself. Call it a “celebration fund” or “party fund” or whatever makes you smile and start putting money in it now.
Katie, and every woman in her position, deserves a moment too. Even if she has to throw the party herself.
What’s something you’ve given yourself permission to celebrate lately?
Lydia x
