Jenny announced her divorce on Instagram and the internet went wild. Her honest, vulnerable and empowering post amassed nearly 100,000 likes in a matter of days. Comments of support flooded in from people navigating a similar journey, many sharing their own personal stories of divorce and financial infidelity.
Behind the viral post is a real person looking to embark on a new journey, rebuilding her life and inspiring other women to do the same.
Here’s what she had to say.
My Story
I’m Jenny, a mum of three and recently divorced. I’ve always been sensible with money, and I bought my first property when I was 23.
I met my ex when I was 19, but we didn’t get together until I was 23. Once we did, everything happened quickly. I fell pregnant with our daughter and, because we hadn’t been together very long, I decided to buy a flat in my own name. I had a good career, had saved a 5% deposit and was in a position to buy, so I did, and he moved in.
We married 15 months after having our daughter. I returned to work part-time after maternity leave. Across my three children, I took six, nine and 12 months’ maternity leave, which were the periods I received maternity pay. Any additional leave would have been unpaid, so financially we weren’t in a position for me to take longer.
By the time I was 30, we had two children and we were still living in my two-bedroom flat. I had joined my company’s ShareSave scheme three years earlier, so I had shares I could cash in. We sold my flat, cashed in the shares and used the proceeds towards a 10% deposit on our next property, which we bought in both our names.
We renovated it and, four years later, sold it for around 74% more than we had paid. That gave us a good-sized deposit towards our next family home. That is now the home that has to be sold as part of the divorce settlement, which has brought me full circle.
Managing money as a couple
At first we managed everything together. Both salaries went into the same account, we lived from it and our household costs came out of it.
When we met, he already had debts, so I knew from the beginning that we had very different attitudes towards money. I was sensible and debt free, whereas he wasn’t, but that didn’t stop me from combining our finances because I loved and trusted him.
Then, in 2016, something happened that completely changed the way we managed our finances. He accessed our joint bank account using my login details and took out a loan in my sole name for several thousand pounds, which he then gave to a friend.
He said he had thought he was logged into his own account and was taking the loan out in his own name. I found that difficult to believe, but that has remained his explanation. It took me some time to get the money back from his friend before the loan could be closed.
After that, I closed the joint account, put the household bills into my sole name and we had separate finances and he would transfer me a set amount each month and I paid the bills.
Although this ultimately protected me financially, managing the household became harder. I was working part-time and responsible for the food shopping, children’s clothes, school costs, clubs, kids days out and other family expenses. His contribution was fixed, while my outgoings fluctuated, so my salary didn’t stretch very far and I was always looking for extra ways to earn money.
Having separate finances did help me when we separated seven years later, as there were no joint accounts to untangle and I knew exactly how to manage the outgoings. But during the years we were together, it often felt like I was managing everything alone, leaving me feeling like I was married but single anyway.
Life Post Divorce
The relationship broke down irretrievably in December 2023 and my divorce has only just been finalised. Now I’m rebuilding my life and trying to secure another home.
Luckily, I returned to work full-time in 2020, so I was in a position to cover everything when his contribution stopped.
I applied for child maintenance, but the amount I receive through CMS is still much less than the contribution he used to make when we were together, so things are tight. But our home is a happy home, and that matters more to me than anything.
What did I wish I’d known earlier?
Love is blind.
When you’re in love and building a family, you don’t imagine that the person you trust completely could one day become someone you’re negotiating your finances with. You don’t think about what would happen if the relationship ended.
The experience in 2016 taught me a huge lesson. It made me realise that being married doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have clear financial boundaries.
And one thing I’d definitely say now: never share your passwords!
What I would tell my younger self
I’d tell her to think further ahead about the assets she already had.
I wish I’d kept my flat and rented it out rather than selling it. My shares were enough to cover the 10% deposit on our next property, so I didn’t need to sell it.
If I’d kept it, I could potentially still own it today as an asset I bought before the marriage.
Hindsight is a glorious thing.
If you’re going through something similar, I’d tell you to…
Sit down and work out your numbers.
You don’t need to have all the answers straight away, but knowing where you stand is a really good place to start. Know what comes in and what goes out.
It sounds basic, but having that information gives you control.
Check out Financielle’s guide to managing your money here
My next money goals
I’m keeping my credit rating in good shape, making sure my payments are made on time and trying to put myself in the strongest possible position to secure a mortgage when the time comes.
I don’t know exactly what our next home will look like yet, so I’m taking it one day at a time and focusing on the things I can control.
My next chapter
I put up an Instagram post saying I was finally divorced because I wanted to celebrate the end of something that had been incredibly difficult to get through. I had no idea it would go viral.
The response made me realise how many women are going through something similar or trying to work out what life looks like when things don’t go to plan.
The divorce is where people might discover me, but the rebuilding is the story I want to tell. Divorce is gruelling, but you can get through it. I was a litigant in person for much of my own journey, and I hope my story can give other women going through it some hope that there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
You can follow Jenny’s journey here.
At Financielle, we’re increasingly seeing our community navigate separation, divorce or even the death of a partner, leading to having to unpick messy financial arrangements, navigate money alone and start a new chapter – that can be overwhelming.
Whilst building materials to help support people through these tough chapters of life, we’re also keen to share community stories to help give guidance and wisdom to those new to navigating this.
If you have a story to share, please do either anonymously or openly at hello@financielle.com
